The Worst Day

Well, today is September 19th 2012. Its been a year, a year since September 19th 2011, the worst day of my life to date. It was a day I wish I could forget but somehow of all the days of my life it is probably the day that I can vividly recall the best. It's seems as though I can relive each moment of that day second by second in my memory.

A year ago today, I remember dropping Adalyn off at our neighbors house while Matthew and I drove down to La Jolla for our 20 week ultrasound. We parked the car and walked in, hand in hand, discussing our guesses for what the gender would be. Matthew thought he was a boy, I said I think it's a girl even though in my heart I know he was a he. Big smiles on our faces as we checked in to the antepartum fetal diagnostic center at UCSD Thornton. We were so excited to find out what we were having and to start discussing names on the way home.

Our world was ripped apart, we never found out that day that little David was a boy. In the eyes of the technicians and doctors that tidbit of information was meaningless compared to the condemning markers they would discover during our routine ultrasound.

They told us we would need further testing to confirm, but if looked like David's condition was incompatible with life. I still don't believe that, David was already alive. How could something that can't have life kick you? I can still recall every tear shed in that room, the hate that overcame me as they poked my belly for an amniocentisis. I was completely crushed on the longest car ride ever. I just wanted to be home and hug my Adalyn. This could not possibly be happening to us, I wanted the earth to open up and consume me. The pain was just too much for me to bear.

I have learned so much about God, myself, our marriage, about what it means to be a mom, and the love so many of my friends, family, and strangers have for our family. I have cherished every acknowledgement of David's life and his very special part of our family. I forsee the next few months ahead of me to be difficult as Davids first angel birthday will arrive in November. Please keep my heart in your prayers.

The Lord never makes a mistake.
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother's womb. Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous - how well I know it. You watched me as I was being formed in utter seclusion, as I was woven together in the dark of the womb. You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed. Psalm 139:13-17

All our love,

Amy and the Felton Family

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